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04 June 2015 @ 09:39 am
The Hermit  
I hate that LJ went out of fashion. While it is an egocentric way to communicate, at least people used to communicate. At least we gave the time to each other to really read about and see what was going on in each others' lives. Not in the FB sense where things seem to be so overly filtered. The more we get seeped in technology, the less we connect even though the technology was created to help us connect. Intentions and outcomes.

I'm in one of my Hermit phases. It wasn't exactly a choice, just where things ended up. The Drow always told me "better no one than the wrong one" and that holds true for friends too. Sometimes I get a bit lonely, but the people I miss weren't really relieving my loneliness, they were just keeping it at bay. I grew up pretty much alone, it's odd that I find it so hard to do now. I guess too many years in a fairly extroverted counterculture will do that to you. I don't like feeling like I need people around every once in a while. I suppose I'll get over that in time, just like it took time to get used to having them around so often.

You would think I am being extremely prolific writing and reading but even that comes and goes in waves. I'm starting to understand the boon of having kids, that they break up the monotony, but that life still isn't for me.

I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone. I was spoiled, having spent time with two women who felt like the other half of my self, who made me feel whole. But things changed, they changed and there's no going back. Even if I went back, it wouldn't be the same. Choices change things.

So, like Dante, I suppose the only way is straight ahead. I have no clue where I'm going but, I think I'm done hiding out in my little hermit cave. I can't go back, I can hope there are better things ahead, but, at very least I don't think there could be anything more lonely than the space I'm in now. I really do have nothing left to lose.
 
 
Current Location: Spiderland
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: none