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08 July 2010 @ 01:24 am
Two Years  
It's been two years since a really posted anything here. Two years of therapy, of medication, of going back to school, of meeting new people, of falling out of touch with old people, of watching my father die, of so much more that it would be impossible to list.
I lied for a long time, telling myself I was okay, even believing it at times. I did grow and change but I cut a lot of myself off. About five days ago I stopped taking my meds. All the old connections I've been cut off from for the past two years came rushing back to me. I felt like a live wire stripped of it's insulation but I've also come to feel more like myself. I needed the buffer for a while but now I want myself back. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's overwhelming but it's real and I can actually feel things again. I spent hours tonight looking over old entries in this journal and it made me realize how much of myself I lost for a while.
Living is hard and painful and messy but I rather that then the numbness of stability.
 
 
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