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30 September 2007 @ 04:52 pm
 
The words are lacking but the thoughts are all there.

Cleaning, purging, thinking, letting go. So much to let go of, so much that doesn't fit anymore, that isn't a part of me anymore. It's odd some of the things I can't let go of though, like a valentine someone made me last year. That person and I aren't talking, so why can't I let it go? Because I remember the good and I miss it, even if I don't think I can go back. So much of my life seems to be saying goodbye, closing doors. I wonder if I can even open them anymore.

Tomorrow it's October. I haven't been to a single Ren. Faire, haven't planned any trips, haven't done anything. As much as I was hurting last October, I was moving and in some ways things were starting to get better. I'm disgusted with myself for not moving, but so much has changed, mostly I feel like I'm alone. I can count on one hand, with fingers to spare, how many people actually feel like they are with me, and it hurts to see who's not there, who I always thought would be there but isn't anymore.
 
 
Current Mood: crappyawful
 
 
 
garren_fa_liss on September 30th, 2007 09:20 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
(Anonymous) on October 11th, 2007 12:47 am (UTC)
hey sis
Don't fret everyone feels that way when going through things. I've gone through millions of things. What it comes down to is sometimes no matter how much memory something has you have to get rid of it. To free yourself. Yes it feels as if you are losing yourself. But in fact you're gaining part of you back.
It sounds stupid and cliche' but it's true lil sis.
Hold on and things will get better.
I understand about the counting those certain people you are close to on one hand too. Me I have Mags, you, and well now my family again. Drop me a line and I'll tell ya all about it.
Hugs
I'm here for ya.
Dan your big brudda AKA Thor's Hammer